


Where I'll Be Found

by Kasuchi



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Best Friends, Break Up, F/M, Gen, Male Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-22
Updated: 2011-07-22
Packaged: 2017-11-17 08:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/549749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kasuchi/pseuds/Kasuchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"I just got out of a one-year relationship! That's like, 6% of my life."</i> Kendall's addiction to the 90s channel helps him recover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where I'll Be Found

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for "Big Time Break Up," and vague mentions of a scene from the previews for "Big Time Single."

**Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You**

Kendall spends a week moping on the sofa listening to sad music and watching crappy LifeSpan network TV movies. By the end of the week, his mother grabs the remote from his hands and pulls the giant bowl of popcorn away from him.

"Honey," she says patiently, kneeling down by the sofa so that her eyes are level with his. "I know this is a tough time for you, but do you really think this is the most productive way to deal with it?"

"Yes," he replies flatly, reaching for the popcorn.

"But you haven't been to rehearsal in a week."

"He hasn't showered in as long, either," Katie shouts from the kitchen.

His mom makes shushing motions at Katie before turning her attention back to him. "Your friends are worried," she tries.

He munches and watches as Jennifer Love Hewitt puts on a beret and swears to never love again. Yeah, right, like that'll happen.

His mom's gentle expression falls and she shuts off the TV. "Fine, then how about this. You're supposed to be recording your second album. Kelly sent over three demos, all of which you've ignored."

"They're all happy songs," he mutters, pulling the blanket close around him. 

His mother straightens up and pulls the blanket off of him roughly. 

"Hey!" he squawks, sitting up and making grabby hands. 

His mother holds it resolutely out of reach, despite the fact that he's got a good eight inches on her, and has since he was fifteen. "Kendall, sweetie, I know that your breakup feels like the end of the world, but you're barely seventeen. You've got time to meet someone else that you find special, or even reconnect with Jo." She reaches out and ruffles his hair, then points at the shower. "Now, shower. I mean it!"

He stands and hugs his mother, then shuffles off to shower and get dressed.

**Brian McKnight - One Last Cry**

"And that was Jo's favorite picnic spot." Kendall sighs forlornly.

The other three guys groan loudly and physically turn Kendall around to face them.

"Dude, look, we understand that this is really hard for you," James starts, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

"But seriously, even I didn't mope this much when Camille and I broke up," Logan points out. 

James elbows him roughly in the side. "Not helping, Logan!"

"Well it's better than your plan."

"Hey!" James holds up the list of girls. "These girls are not hot enough for me, but Kendall will _totally_ love them." He beams and nods enthusiastically. 

Logan rolls his eyes. "He obviously doesn't want someone else, since he spends all of his time _mooning_ over Jo." 

All three of them freeze to look at Kendall, who by now has turned back around to pout at the picnic spot.

Carlos shrugs and taps his helmet. "I don't see why they had to break up at all. I mean, between FaceTalk, MyFaceBlog+, and the webcams we set up for James's mom, couldn't they have done long distance?" He chews thoughtfully on a corn dog.

Beside him, Logan loosens his grip on the lapels of James's jacket just as James stops throttling Logan. 

"That," Logan says, disentangling himself from James, "is possibly the smartest thing you've ever said."

"My mom _is_ an IT specialist," Carlos points out, taking another bite of his corn dog.

By now, Kendall has wandered over to another tree. "Here's where we had our one-minute dates," he sighs. "I remember playing frisbee here after thirty seconds of lunch." 

The other three groan again.

**The La's - There She Goes**

For a while there, it feels like Jo is everywhere. 

Every network and show -- from ShowBiz! to Entertainment This Evening -- is covering the casting for the Chauncey Jackson books. Jo's interviews and red carpet shots from New Town High get put on repeat, and Kendall's MyFaceBlog+ feed is all abuzz with the news. Apparently, pretty much everyone back home _loved_ the books and are _so excited_ about the movie.

Frustrated, Kendall shuts the laptop roughly. 

"You should be gentler with nice things," Katie points out, leaning against the counter. 

He makes a noncommittal noise, face smushed against the counter. 

Katie rolls her eyes. "Just post on her wall or something. Seriously, you guys broke up because you're seventeen and long distance is hard. It's not like it was a bitter separation."

Kendall makes another noncommittal noise. 

Katie sighs and grabs the laptop, opening it up and pulling up Jo's MyFaceBlog+ profile page. "Hey, Jo, how's New Zealand?" Katie types, reading it back just as she hits send.

"Hey!" Kendall shoots up and grabs for the laptop. 

Katie wriggles out of his reach and sticks her tongue out at him. 

Kendall rolls his eyes. "Oh, real mature." He then sticks his tongue out back at her, blowing a raspberry.

"Big brother, you need to stop moping. For one, you're a lot less fun this way."

"I just got out of a one-year relationship! That's like, 6% of my life."

Katie shoots him a look. "Aren't you really bad at math?" 

"Not the point here." 

"Whatever. You still need to stop moping. You're delaying the album." She hands him the laptop. "Just talk to her. It can't hurt, right?" 

He takes the laptop and sets it safety on the counter, then scoops up his sister and spins her around, her shrieks and laughter filling the air. They collapse on the sofa in a heap, her tiny fingers worming their way between his ribs and tickling him. 

"Okay, baby sister," he says eventually, when they've caught their breath. "We'll try it your way for a while."

"Awesome," she says, curling into his side like he's some sort of stuffed toy, or a big pile of money. Knowing her -- and knowing she knows his contract -- that comparison may be more than apt. "Can you make me pie à la mode?"

"You're tall enough to reach the counter now, can't you do it yourself?"

"Yeah, but it's not the same." She busts out the big, sad brown eyes and he groans, pulling himself off of the couch.

"Fine, fine." He smiles indulgently and gently shoves her shoulder. "Thanks, Katie."

"Extra whipped cream!" she calls, building herself a makeshift pillow fort. 

When he checks his notifications that night, he sees that Jo left him a message. _Hey, Kendall. New Zealand is really cool, but there's a lot of sheep here. How about you? How's the second album coming?_

**Lenny Kravitz - American Woman**

"I think we should see other people." 

Kendall tries (and completely fails) at schooling his expression into something resembling neutral detachment. He and Jo are chatting via HeavenPop, and she has been _not_ saying something for a week now. Apparently, it's this.

"Oh," he says softly.

Her expression turns plaintive. "Kendall, it just makes sense. I mean, we're nineteen hours and one giant ocean apart. It's not even the same season!" 

"You didn't seem to mind the last couple of months, with the webchatting and MyFaceBlog+ messages." He feels himself getting upset. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see five sets of eyes resolutely pretending they are not in the same space as him. "Hold on." He moves into his bedroom, shutting the door, knowing full well that at least half of them will have their ear pressed to it. "You were saying?"

"You're one of the people closest to me. I don't want to lose our connection," she tries, voice gentle.

"But you want to see other people." His tone is flat.

"Wouldn't that be better?"

"No," he snaps. "It wouldn't. The only person I want to see is you, Jo." 

She bites her lip -- he can see it on the webcam, can see her look away from the screen, and can imagine her twisting her hands -- and he sighs. 

"Okay," he says. "Let's see other people."

"Kendall, I--"

He holds up a hand. "You're right, we should move on from each other, and talking like this is nice but it's probably not helping. We aren't going to see each other again anytime soon." 

It's her turn to look taken aback, but she's an actual actress; her features smooth into a blank mask and her voice is eerily level. "Oh." 

It's his turn to look away from the webcam. "Take care of yourself, Jo."

"You, too, Kendall." Her face cuts to black as she hangs up, and so does his. 

"You guys can come in now," he shouts through the door, closing the laptop. 

His three friends tumble into the room and hover around him, all of them speaking at once in a cacophany of sound. Kendall raises an eyebrow and they silence, then Logan speaks first.

"You okay, buddy?" 

Kendall shrugs, not really trusting his voice to not do something stupid like break. 

James has a sympathetic expression on his face. "She said you should see other people, huh? That sucks, dude." 

Carlos nods and holds up an issue of _Populace_ magazine, already open to a spread featuring the Chauncey Jackson set. "Especially since she's rumored to like her co-star."

"Carlos!" James and Logan punch him on different arms, and the magazine falls to the bed at Kendall's feet. Kendall can't help himself -- he reaches for it and then can't look away from the pictures of Jo, dressed in her adorable winter gear, smiling at Davey Clifford.

"He's from New Zealand?" Kendall groans and drops the glossy pages. "I can't compete with an accent."

"Technically, you don't have to anymore," Carlos points out. James grabs the magazine, rolls it up, and smacks Carlos with it. "Ow! Stop hitting me!" 

"Guys, guys," Kendall says, hands out in a placating gesture. "It's okay. She's right. We both have to move on and--" he swallows. "Seeing other people will help both of us stop, uh--"

"Mooning after each other?" James supplies, smiling so widely his dimples show. 

"Sure, we'll go with that," Kendall concedes, shrugging.

James's notebook appears in his hand, suddenly, beside his face. "Awesome, let's start the healing." He flips open the notebook and puts on his game show host voice. "So, how about Amber? She's Southern, got long legs, and is an aspiring model." He waggles his eyebrows, then flips a page. "Or, Kimiko, the leader of a dance crew that's primed to be on Top Dance Crew of America."

"TDCA, really?" Logan looks impressed. 

"Wait, wait, I don't want to see other people _tomorrow_."

The other three exchange a glance. "Then when?!" they chorus, each of them looking exasperated.

Kendall resists the urge to pout. It's pretty damn tempting, though.

**2Pac - I Get Around**

The best thing about L.A. is that there is _always_ a party.

They just performed at The Roman Theater, in front of a crowd of like five thousand screaming fans and the adrenaline rush just keeps on going, even now that it's been hours and they're chilling at some ridiculous party that Kelly and Gustavo probably shouldn't have gotten them into but did anyway. The strobe light is epic, and the overhead lights flash multiple colors as spotlights sweep across the crowd. 

The place is _packed_ and Kendall has to stop himself from gaping. All those surreptitious parties out in the middle of the woods where everyone brought whatever beer they could sneak out of the house pale entirely by comparison. Everyone is wearing glowstick jewelry and the strobe light makes their movements look jerky and bizarre. The girls look four years older in their short dresses and high heels, with the makeup and the attitude and the everything. It makes his mouth go dry.

James presses a glass of something in his hand and grins. In the blacklight, his white teeth positively _glow_. "Don't think, just drink!" he shouts over the music, handing identical drinks to Carlos and Logan. "To Hollywood!"

The four of them clink glasses and down the drinks in moments. It burns all the way down, and Kendall winces at the feeling. The aftertaste is like toothpaste.

"What the hell is this?!" he yells at James, pointing at his glass.

James just laughs, shrugs, takes the glass away from him, and hauls Kendall bodily out of the chair. He grabs Kendall by the jacket and presses his mouth near Kendall's ear, voice still loud and breath hot against Kendall's skin. It makes Kendall shiver, despite how warm the place is. "Have fun, for once in your life!" Then, James shoves him unceremoniously into the writhing mass of people dancing, his laughter drowned out by the crush. 

The music is loud and thumping. Kendall can feel the bass in his bones, and maybe it's the liquor rushing to his head with the adrenaline from earlier, or maybe it's because for once in his life he's willing to be the irresponsible one, but he takes James's advice and starts to dance. A year of professional training and he still feels ridiculously dorky and awkward until a girl in a bright purple dress -- tight in all the right places and cut indecently low -- presses herself against the length of him and sways in time to the beat. He follows her lead, hands sliding down her body to rest at her waist.

This girl -- he can barely make out her edges in the unsteady strobe and the mist in the air -- smiles at him, lips dark against her fair skin, and her arms raise and hook together behind his neck. They dance like that for what feels like hours until the beat changes and the pattern of shifting around them morphs into something new and equally chaotic.

Not that Kendall notices. The girl has her lips on his neck and his fingers are brushing along the zipper that runs the length of the back of her dress. She nips at a sensitive spot under his jaw and he hisses. He feels her smirk against his skin and, in response, presses his hands into the dip of her waist. She pulls away from him and looks him up and down. In the low light, he prays his physical reaction is hidden, cursing tight pants and short jackets. Given the expression on her face, she sees it anyway, and he feels himself blush.

Wordlessly, she twines his fingers with hers and pulls him to the darkest corner of the club. When he gets the zipper of her dress all the way undone, it feels like the sweetest kind of victory.

**Liz Phair - Fuck and Run**

He stumbles into their room at four-thirty in the morning, desperately trying to not make any noise. He closes the door silently behind him and is cheering on the inside when the lights turn on of their own accord and he freezes. 

"Kendall." 

At the sound of his mother's voice, he pivots to face her and swallows. " _Heeey_ , Mom. Just, uh, going for an early morning run?" 

His mother raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms across her chest. Behind her, seemingly out of nowhere, appear the other three guys and his sister. And Kelly and Gustavo. All of them are in pajamas and have the pinched look of people who haven't slept enough. It's a look he's pretty familiar with, given that he's been sporting it for the last three weeks. 

"In the same clothes you left in?" Katie interjects. 

"Before dawn?" Kelly and Gustavo add. 

"Without shoes?" the guys chorus. Kendall looks guiltily down at his feet. The skate shoes he'd worn when he left had disappeared somewhere around afterparty two, probably when that girl with the bright red hair had toed them off of him. Not that he intends to tell them that, especially when they're standing before him like a barricade. 

"I...stashed them in the lobby?" He makes a, in his opinion, _valiant_ last-ditch attempt to not get in trouble. 

"Kendall Francis Knight," his mother says, pulling herself to her full height. He flinches instinctively; his full name never means anything good. "How _dare_ you ditch your friends and your agent and be out all over god-knows-where in Hollywood doing god-knows-what." His mother tugs at his jacket. "Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was?! When they--" she gestures at the other guys-- "came back without you and said they couldn't find you, I--" Her grip tightens on the lapel of his suddenly stifling jacket, knuckles white against the black of the leather. She clears her throat and blinks rapidly, gaze narrowing. "Grounded," she declares. "Six weeks. School, studio, promo stuff, performances, that's it. No afterparties, no VIP lounges, no videogames, no cell, no TV, _no pool_." 

She lets go of his jacket and studies his face for a long moment. "I'm really disappointed in you," she says softly, then turns away and slams the door to the bathroom. 

The silence is oppressive, almost a physical pressure on his chest. Or perhaps that is just the guilt. 

As if reading his mind, Katie's scathing voice cuts through the air. "You made her cry, you idiot." She turns her glare on him full force. Despite the fact that she's barely five feet tall, he feels like cowering anyway. She sniffs imperiously and walks off, slamming the bedroom door behind her.

He turns back to the remaining five and braces himself. "Intervention time?"

Gustavo and Kelly trade looks. "No, we're good," she says, grabbing her padfolio. "See you in the studio after school." Gustavo looks like he wants to add something, but Kelly elbows him in the side and drags him out of the room. 

That leaves Kendall with his best friends and the gradually brightening sky.

He sighs tiredly and slouches, suddenly weary. "If it's okay with you guys, can we do this on the couch?"

The other three do that weird silent communication thing and nod in unison, so they troop over to the orange-red sofa that's covered with blankets and bed pillows. Kendall feels a stab of something when he realizes they'd camped out for him. 

"You didn't have to wait up for me," he mutters, shrugging off the jacket and stripping down to his t-shirt, boxers, and socks, folding the discarded clothes neatly beside him. The last he does because his mother hasn't come out of the bathroom yet, and he can still feel the weight of her gaze.

"Yeah, we kind of did," Logan says, voice flat. "We lost you after midnight and couldn't find you at all."

"You weren't answering your cell, either," Carlos adds sharply. 

The room is silent for a moment before James asks, "Where were you?" 

Kendall leans back and rubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms. "We started at NoLux, right?"

"Yeah," Carlos affirms. "You went off to dance with some girl and then we lost you." 

"Well, we danced. And then we, uh, found a quiet corner for a while."

"Is that when you lost your shoes?" Logan's voice drips with sarcasm.

"Actually, that was later, at Stemware."

"How did _you_ get into _Stemware_?" James has an incredulous expression on his face, and rightfully so. Stemware is the hottest spot around. 

"It probably helped that I had a bunch of girls with me, and one knew the bouncer." 

"Start from the beginning," the other three say in unison.

"It's pretty straightforward." Kendall shrugs uneasily and shifts, gaze trained on his folded hands. "I left NoLux with that girl and went to Firepit to meet up with her friends. After that, like five of us went to Stemware. I ditched them for another girl with red hair. We, uh, went back to her place for a while, and that's where I lost my shoes. But then I left and came back here." 

"You're an idiot," James states flatly, crossing his arms. 

"What?" Kendall gapes at him. "You're the one who wanted to set me up with your list!" 

"Yes, I wanted you to get out and stop moping, not this--" he says, gesturing vaguely at Kendall. "This Real Hollywood Tale spiral of shame, or whatever it is." 

"I am _not_ in a shame spiral," he denies hotly.

"Well you're definitely in _some_ kind of spiral." James takes a breath and grips his knees, shoulders hunching forward. "How many times have you gone out this week?"

"Four nights," Kendall mumbles.

James raises an eyebrow. "When do you usually get home?" 

"Three or four," his voice gets quieter.

"How much do you drink?" Here, James's expression is blank.

"Enough," Kendall says, defensive. "I get it." 

"Do you really?" Carlos's soft voice and serious expression unnerves Kendall. "Look, Kendall, she left. You've got to move on, and this isn't the way to do it." 

Logan clasps his shoulder. "You can hook up with half the girls in L.A., but it won't mean you've gotten even." 

"Eh, maybe a quarter. Half is pushing it," James interjects, making a so-so motion with his hand. It's Logan's turn to glare at him.

Kendall sighs. "Well, I'm grounded anyway. It's not like I could have kept it up." 

Logan raises an eyebrow. "Dude, do you really think grounding would work if you _really_ wanted to keep going out?" 

"You _are_ the man with the plan," Carlos points out. 

"You even snuck Jo out past her CIA agent father," James adds. 

"I do come up with good ones, don't I?" The three of them smack him upside the head. "Ow! Was that really necessary?"

"Yes, it was," they chorus.

**Geto Boys - Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta**

The promo work for their second album is a welcome distraction. Between recording sessions and mall appearances, photo shoots and radio interviews, Kendall barely has time to do his homework, let alone party. 

The rush is more than half his fault. Having basically failed completely at doing anything of value for roughly two months, the band is behind schedule and their days are packed. He records, changes into numerous outfits for photo shoots, rehearses interview responses, and somehow also learns some trig. Kelly is ever-present, and Kendall realizes distantly that he hasn't been properly alone in almost a month. Not that it matters; the hectic schedule keeps him on the move and too exhausted at the end of the day to do anything but flop down on his bed and fall into a dreamless sleep, save for the occasional nightmare about Kelly's padfolio eating him alive. 

Eventually, the workload lets up and all of the things he has been ignoring come back to the forefront of his memory. Math homework is infinitely more difficult when he's trying _not_ to remember feelings and touches and blurry, half-lost memories. Katie chaperones him to the ice rink, where he hits slap shot after slap shot, his focus the puck and the sound of wood striking rubber echoing in the rafters. To cool down, he skates laps around the rink, the ice as familiar to him as breathing. The cold air over his skin reminds him of championships, pee-wee hockey practice, and of the faded image of a tall, brown-haired man teaching him to stand in skates. 

Katie calls out his name and snaps him out of his reverie. Without thinking, he makes a rude gesture at her before skating to the boards. He pays for it later when his bed is filled with fruit-flavored gelatin. Kendall spends a week smelling like blue raspberry in spite of all his cleaning efforts. 

Sooner than expected, Griffin orders their first single to be officially released. The day after, all of them sit in the studio listening as Rylan Markrest debuts their song on his show. Almost immediately, the downloads are off the charts. While inevitable comparisons to Boys in the Attic and BoyTown follow, Big Time Rush is suddenly the hottest thing in L.A. The offers for appearances and shows come pouring in. 

And then the album drops. It goes gold in a week, then platinum in a month. When they get the news, the guys are stunned, Gustavo and Kelly are ecstatic, Griffin can smell the money, and the Minnesota networks on MyFaceBlog+ _explode_.

While the other guys fall into a gleeful, manic tangle at the news, Katie and his mom hug him fiercely between them. His hands and legs are shaking and his eyes are embarrassingly misty, but he couldn't care less. 

For once, he has no words.

**New Radicals - You Get What You Give**

The last notes of the song barely get an echo before the crowd erupts into deafening screams, and Kendall smiles in spite of himself. Their first concert after their album went platinum is at The Hollywood Basin, and the place is filled with 10,000 fans shouting their love and adoration for them. To all of them, the crowd is a dark mass of indistinct faces, the only sight the occasional flash of a camera or of the spotlight passing over the crowd. As part of the finale, the stage lights pass over the crowd, and Kendall thinks maybe his heart stops when he sees the size of the crowd. The moving mass seems to go on forever. 

A rough tug on his arm brings him back to the present, and he lets James pull him offstage. The earplugs barely dampen the sound of the screaming crowd and the deafening feeds from the monitors. They descend under the stage, through a nondescript hallway to a door with a star tacked on it. Logan pushes the door open and they all collapse on the sofas, grateful that the cushions are soft. Kendall feels like every nerve ending is on _fire_ , but every muscle feels like gelatin, and his heart is racing. 

Kelly and Gustavo burst in, their smiles wide enough to split their faces. "That was _amazing_ ," they cry in unison. 

The four of them pull themselves into seated positions and beam back at her. Kendall's ears are ringing slightly and his shirt is sticking to his back. Hell, every article of clothing he is currently wearing feels plastered to his skin. He glances surreptitiously at James and Carlos, who are barely glistening, and hates everything they stand for.

Kelly keeps talking. "--online response has been amazing! Griffin wants to release a live CD at the end of the summer, and maybe even live stream the concert to a select fansite." She then elbows Gustavo in the side roughly.

"DOGS!" Gustavo shouts. None of them even flinches. "You guys did a great job," he mumbles, twisting a ring absently. Kendall is too tired to feel triumphant. Kelly glares at Gustavo, arms folding across her chest. Kendall thinks it's a pretty impressive move given her ever-present padfolio in her hands. "Take the rest of the week off," Gustavo adds with difficulty.

 _That_ gets their attention. "Really?!" they chorus, rushing to their feet.

Kelly nods, grinning. "Yeah. Just don't blow your voices, okay?"

Three of them turn to Carlos, who looks offended. "Why are you looking at _me?!_ "

Gustavo clears his throat and says, "Enjoy your week off." He then grins evilly and cackles. Kelly rolls her eyes and drags him out of the dressing room by the collar of his jacket, cutting off his laughter with a choked noise. 

The four of them look at each other silently. The air feels electric, all of them keyed up from the screaming and the three encores and the bright lights and the good news. The pressure of it builds until Kendall bursts out laughing, the sound large and deep in a way it's never been before. _It's got to be the singing lessons,_ he thinks distantly as he collapses into the couch again, his laughter shaking through his whole body. Logan follows suit, his dimples standing out on his cheeks as his smile grows larger and his laughter expands to match. Carlos and James succumb to the ridiculous urge to laugh half-hysterically until the four of them are splayed out on the couch, legs hanging off the arms of the sofa, shaking with mirth. 

When Kendall's mom and Katie (who has a huge stack of cash in hand, probably from sales of swag) find them twenty minutes later, they are scuffling as they clamber around each other to change into clean clothes. His mom shakes her head and Katie simply shrugs at the sight. Kendall, already dressed, kisses his mother's cheek and picks up his sister despite her half-hearted protests. 

At the sound, the others abandon attempting to give each other purple nurples and crowd around the three of them, whooping and singing "We Are the Champions" with rough, off-key voices the way they used to after winning big games. (Okay, and maybe they all wanted to be Charlie Conway after seeing _D2: The Mighty Ducks_ when they were seven.) His mother laughs softly, swaying back and forth to the song. Katie sits on his shoulders and joins in, her high, clear voice a counterpoint to theirs. 

Kendall closes his eyes and lets the moment wash over him. 

**Sugar Ray - Someday**

It's 11:30 and they're gearing for one last co-op round of Duty Calls 4, all of them in pajamas and practically sitting on top of each other on the mass of pillows and sofa cushions. They've been playing for something like three solid hours having just finished packing for their tour. This is basically their last night in the apartment together for two months, so naturally they're playing videogames and making a pillow fort. His mother had shaken her head and told them to go to sleep some time before dawn and to keep the volume low. 

They're four kills into the game when Carlos respawns and says, "So the _Chauncey Jackson_ trailer was released today." 

James turns his character around to deliver a nasty pistol whip to Carlos's character. 

Carlos punches James in the arm in real life. "Dude! What was that for?!"

James rolls his eyes while Logan makes faces at Carlos. "You haven't mentioned Jo in a while," James states blandly, taking out two German soldiers with a well-timed grenade.

Kendall shrugs, the controller in his hands clattering and clacking as he fights his way through the map. "Haven't thought about her in a while, I guess." 

Carlos and Logan pause in their weird making-faces-at-each-other competition and look surprised. Logan has his character take cover and prep a panzerfaust while adding casually, "That sounds like a good thing, right?"

Carlos barrels through barricades in a tank-like vehicle, Kendall perched on the back working the mounted machine gun. "Are you over her?" he asks flatly, ignoring the way James and Logan glare at him. 

Kendall is silent for a long moment as he mows down every German soldier he sees in a rain of bullets. "Yeah," he says at last. "I think I am." 

The other three pause the game almost in unison and tackle him to the floor, whooping and hollering battle cries. Kendall sputters and pushes at them ineffectually, telling them to _get off of him now_ , but the others ignore him until they're all tangled in the blankets and squirming away when Kendall manages to poke them between their ribs. 

They're sprawled out on the floor, the game system in hibernation mode, when James finally says, "It took you long enough, dude."

"Yeah, I didn't realize you'd need another 6% of your life to recover," Logan jokes, voice starting to thicken with fatigue. 

Carlos yawns. "Whatever. I'm just glad our best friend came back."

"I never went anywhere," Kendall pointed out, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

"You were sad for a really long time, though," Carlos retorts, fingers running over his helmet. "And then you went wild for like a month." His voice slows as he starts to fade. "But you're back to normal now. That's awesome," he adds, and his voice fades into a sigh with the last word.

"Carlos is right," Logan manages around a yawn. "You weren't yourself for a long time."

"Welcome back," James adds, shoving Kendall in the shoulder.

Kendall looks to his left, then his right and smiles and lets his eyes fall shut. It's the happiest he's felt in almost a year. 

(The next morning, Katie shows their mom the blackmail-worthy picture of the four of them curled up together in sleep, the nest of blankets and pillows framing them. His mother aww's and demands prints.)

**Gin Blossoms - Hey Jealousy**

They're backstage at the Youth Selection Awards when he sees her for the first time in, like, a year and six months. Mostly, she looks like she always did for red carpet type events: her makeup is flawless so as to be invisible, the dress is perfect for the occasion, and she looks calm and together.

Kendall feels-- Actually, he doesn't feel the _oh my god stabbing_ feeling he remembers from their breakup. Instead it's the same kind of ache he feels when he chats with old teammates or friends from Minnesota. He looks down at himself and checks his appearance. Red and black striped shirt, dark-wash skinny jeans, Buster Clydes, and a blazer. The stylist team had even given him a pinstriped fedora and instructions to keep it on his head. 

Logan, who had been watching him surreptitiously, coughed softly. "Earth to Kendall, come in Kendall." 

Kendall grins crookedly. "Busted."

"Little bit," Logan acknowledges. He tilts his head toward where Jo is chatting with her Chauncey Jackson co-stars. "Go say hi," Logan suggests.

Kendall looks at him like he's crazy. "When did you turn into my mother?" 

Logan rolls his eyes. "You're an idiot. It's been like a year and a half. Just say hello." Then, unexpectedly, he shoves Kendall towards her hard enough to make him stumble inelegantly. Jo turns to him and looks surprised, given her expression. 

Kendall dusts himself off awkwardly and walks over to her, sliding his hands into his back pockets. "Hey," he says when they're close enough to hear each other over the low roar of backstage.

"Hey yourself," she replies, smiling. "How have you been?" 

"Good, good. We dropped our second album and went on tour." 

"Go anywhere interesting?" He sees her lips twitch as she tries not to smile.

"Canada," he responds without hesitation. "Vancouver was awesome, and Toronto looked so much like New York it was weird." 

She laughs. "It's 'cause they film in Toronto when they want it to look like New York City but don't want to pay the New York fees." 

"Huh, that explains a few things." 

A large group of PAs and stage hands rumble past, moving pieces of the set and some lighting, cutting off their conversation for a long moment. When the noise is past, the air between them feels different, feels heavy.

"I missed you," he blurts out, looking resolutely at anywhere but her.

"I missed you, too," she says quietly, and places her hand on his arm. He meets her gaze. The moment suddenly feels infinite.

It snaps when she gets mobbed by a bunch of people getting her ready to present an award. She's about to get swept away when he makes an impulsive decision and gives her a hug. "It was good to see you," he murmurs. He takes a deep breath and smells her shampoo and remembers how the scent used to stick to his clothes after all-afternoon picnics at the Palm Woods Park. 

Her hand curls around one of the lapels. "Same here," she says, lips brushing against the shell of his ear. They hover for a second too long before letting go. She is immediately pulled away and he watches her disappear around a corner before turning around. 

The other three are standing there with sympathetic expressions and outstretched arms. "Hugs?" They offer in unison. 

Kendall shuffles his feet and shakes his hair out of his eyes. "Yeah, okay," he says, and lets the others surround and embrace him. This is how Kelly finds them. 

"I don't want to know," she says. "C'mon, you're performing in three commercial breaks. We gotta get you in place!" She makes a _chop-chop_ gesture and hustles them to the green room.

Later, when they've performed and accepted an award and attended the afterparty (chaperoned, of course), they're nodding off in the limo when Kendall gets a text message. With a groan, he shoves Logan's sleeping form onto James and pulls out his phone.

 _We should stay in touch_ , the message reads. His phone tells him it's from Jo. 

Kendall smiles and replies, _Yeah, that sounds good._ When he hits send, he can't help but think the chime sounds hopeful.

**Author's Note:**

>   1. Title is from "When I Come Around" by Green Day. For reference, it was released as a single in 1995. Which is a deliberate choice; I wanted to bring back Kendall's long-forgotten 90s music addiction. I was careful to exclude Britney, Christina, N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, Blackstreet, even NKOTB and New Edition. Those artists' existence is kind of sketchy in-universe at best. I cannot tell you how much Nirvana I listened to while writing this; it was really weird. I shouldâve busted out Smashing Pumpkins, too, in retrospect. Liz Phair is the only inclusion that didn't really top the charts, but that's because her song is amazing, and she's so synonymous with the 90s.
>   2. Okay, so I've done the Nickelodeon thing and used Real Things but masked them as fake things. (Kind of like the PearPods and so forth.) I'm going to list out everything and what their Real Life equivalents are.
>     * LifeSpan = Lifetime Network
>     * MyFaceBlog+ = MySpace, Facebook, Blogger, and Google+ mushed together; a generic social media site
>     * HeavenPop = Skype
>     * Showbiz! network = E! network
>     * Entertainment This Evening = Entertainment Tonight
>     * Populace Magazine = People Magazine
>     * TDCA = America's Best Dance Crew (ABDC)
>     * The Roman = The Greek Theater in L.A.
>     * Real Hollywood Tale = E! True Hollywood Story
>     * Davey Clifford = Daniel Radcliffe
>     * Rylan Markrest = Ryan Seacrest
>     * Hollywood Basin = Hollywood Bowl, a venue that can hold ~17,000 people
>     * Duty Calls 4 = Call of Duty 4
>     * Youth Selection Awards = Teen Choice Awards
> I made up the names of the nightclubs. Also, the girl with the bright red hair may or may not be Cat from VICTORiOUS, just sayin'.
>   3. So, in real life, _Percy Jackson_ took about four months to film, and _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_ took about a year to film plus like three months in post-production. I'm averaging these out so the first _Chauncey Jackson_ movie took about eight months to film, and the first full-length trailer dropped two months later. So "Someday" is set about ten months to a year later, and "Hey Jealousy" is about two years out from after "Big Time Breakup" takes place.
>   4. I basically wanted to write a Kendall-self-destructs-but-his-friends-and-family-love-him kind of fic. Because the best thing about this show is how it totally celebrates [the power of friendship](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThePowerOfFriendship) and how much [the Knight family](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BadassFamily) loves and supports each other. I hope I got the zany nature of the show right; I was watching the sneak peek clips from Big Time Single after I finished and felt pretty proud of how Iâd written the character interactions. Dialogue tags between four males having a conversation, though? Eff. My. Life.
>   5. The fic (roughly) follows the stages of grief: Depression, Bargaining, Anger, Acceptance, Progression. I took out Denial and tacked on Progression because I wanted to show the _after_ part of acceptance.
>   6. Hey here's a fun fact: if there are bright lights onstage and you're at a concert where the audience isn't lighted as well, then _no one onstage can see you_. The stage is 100% visible but everything past the edge is a murky sea of darkness. It's unnerving and exhilarating all at once. Certainly it helps reduce nerves.
>   7. A _**HUGE**_ thank you to my lighting-fast beta reader [](http://tenebris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tenebris**](http://tenebris.livejournal.com/) , who knew nothing about the show but was willing to run edits with me for two hours. You are, quite literally, the best. ♥
> 



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